Setting Boundaries: Breaking Free from Toxic Family Dynamics
Meghan Trainor’s song Bad for Me resonates with so many people who struggle with toxic family relationships. The lyrics highlight the emotional turmoil of loving someone who continues to hurt us and the difficulty of walking away, even when we know it’s necessary for our well-being. This song captures a common internal battle—feeling torn between the obligation to maintain family ties and the desperate need to protect our mental health.
The Weight of Obligation
Many people are raised with the belief that family comes first, no matter what. We’re told to forgive, to tolerate, and to keep the peace, even if it means sacrificing our emotional well-being. The idea of distancing ourselves from family can feel like betrayal or failure. We worry about hurting others, being judged, or even feeling guilt for choosing ourselves.
But just because someone is family does not mean we have to endure toxic behavior. Love should not come at the cost of our mental health. If a relationship—whether with a parent, sibling, or extended family member—consistently causes stress, anxiety, or emotional pain, it is okay to create distance.
The Emotional Toll of Toxic Relationships
Dealing with toxic family dynamics can lead to feelings of:
Guilt – Feeling like a bad person for wanting space.
Shame – Internalizing the belief that we’re ungrateful or wrong for setting boundaries.
Fear – Worrying about backlash, rejection, or further conflict.
Exhaustion – Constantly trying to appease someone who refuses to change.
Self-Doubt – Questioning whether we’re overreacting or being too sensitive.
These emotions keep us stuck in unhealthy cycles, where we tolerate mistreatment simply because it feels like the "right" thing to do. But staying in toxic relationships out of obligation is not an act of love—it’s self-sacrifice at our own expense.
The Power (and Limitations) of Writing It Out
One of the most striking lyrics in Bad for Me is: "My therapist told me to write you a letter, she said if I did it would make me feel better." Writing down our emotions can be incredibly therapeutic. Journaling or writing a letter (without necessarily sending it) can help release built-up emotions and provide clarity. It allows us to express what we might be holding inside without fear of judgment or retaliation.
However, giving this letter to the toxic person may not always be beneficial, just as Meghan Trainor suggests. The reality is that not everyone is in a place where they can self-reflect in a healthy way. The person receiving the letter may:
Be in denial and refuse to acknowledge their behavior as harmful.
React defensively, escalating the conflict rather than resolving it.
Use your words against you, invalidating your feelings instead of hearing them.
Manipulate the situation to make themselves the victim.
Just because they don’t see their behavior as problematic doesn’t mean it isn’t impacting you. It is not your job to get them to understand or to change them. Your healing is not dependent on their acknowledgment. Instead of giving the letter to them, consider writing it for yourself—to release the emotions, gain closure, and affirm your right to set boundaries.
Why Boundaries Matter
Boundaries are not about punishing others; they are about protecting ourselves. When we set clear limits, we teach people how we expect to be treated. We cannot control their actions, but we can control our response. Boundaries send the message that certain behaviors will not be tolerated, and they create a sense of safety for ourselves.
Examples of healthy boundaries include:
Limiting contact or choosing when and how to engage with toxic family members.
Declining invitations to family gatherings that feel emotionally draining.
Communicating expectations clearly (e.g., "I am not willing to discuss this topic anymore").
Blocking or unfollowing social media accounts that contribute to stress.
Seeking therapy or support to process emotions and reinforce self-worth.
Taking Care of Your Mental Health is Not Selfish
Choosing to step back from toxic relationships is not easy, but it is sometimes necessary. Your well-being matters. You are allowed to prioritize your mental health without feeling guilty. Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
If you’re struggling with guilt or fear, remind yourself:
You deserve relationships that bring peace, not pain.
It is not your responsibility to fix or change toxic family members.
Saying "no" to toxicity means saying "yes" to your own healing.
Protecting your energy allows you to show up better for yourself and those who truly support you.
Final Thoughts
Meghan Trainor’s Bad for Me is a powerful reminder that it’s okay to walk away from relationships that cause harm, even if they involve family. You are not obligated to endure mistreatment just because of blood ties. Healing comes from recognizing your worth, setting boundaries, and choosing peace over obligation.
Take care of yourself. You are allowed to put yourself first.